i really hate those posts that are like “order a medium coffee in a large cup because they might accidentally overfill it and give you a large coffee!” or “ask for a free cup of hot water at starbucks and use their cream and sugar but put in your own tea bag!” or “at…
ADVICE FOR PEOPLE WHO ARE NOT HAVING A GOOD DAY:
My girlfriend of almost 3 years and I are taking a break in our relationship bc we now live 3000 miles apart and its just not working anymore. We know we want to be together, but we need to be apart to realize it again. I’m still going to be staying with her till Thursday.
She just made me hot chocolate. My heart hurts.
Merry fucking Christmas.
Here’s to hoping things get better for ya.
Fuck.
DO NOT THINK OF YOUR CRUSH IN A CUTE CHRISTMAS SWEATER DRINKING HOT CHOCOLATE UNLESS YOU WANT UNBEARABLE SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
when you’re depressed but also in the Christmas spirit
literaryroses asked:
jaxxgarcia answered:
IM GETTING TOO MANY PEOPLE SAYING THEY DRANK THE WHOLE POT OF CUBAN COFFEE
CUBANS LITERALLY ONLY TAKE A SHOT OF THE STUFF. AT MOST A LITTLE CUP. A WHOLE POT??? YOU TRYING TO TALK TO GOD??? BABY NOO
A white girl walks into a Starbucks and orders a cup of coffee. She tells the barista that her name is Primrose Everdeen. Her coffee is ready and the barista calls out “Primrose Everdeen”. Suddenly Liam Hemsworth appears and kills everybody with a bomb.
ARE YOU SATAN
you seem a bit confused man are you ok
*pauses then sobs*
my favorite college experience is when i had a 7am class and the kid next to me literally poured a monster energy drink into his coffee said “i’m going to die” and drank the whole thing
i knew a guy who brewed his instant coffee with monster instead of water. three cups in two hours. i think he ascended to the astral realm
the survivability of the human race never ceases to amaze me
TABI ANECDOTE
My final year I lived with engineering masters students. One night, I’m finishing up my final paper, I’m juuuust backing up my final copy, and my housemate’s cat knocks a vase over onto my laptop.
Which wouldn’t be a problem except my cable had been chewed on (thanks Kobe), so the wiring was exposed. Circuits short out, I fling myself back to avoid electrocution and by the time we get the situation handled, my laptop AND my external hard drive have been fried by the surge.
I mean, fried. Like, they-are-vaguely-smoking fried.
I start to cry, because there goes fifty percent of my final grade.
Ahmad just goes “it’s okay, we will fix”. I’m like “how the fuck do you propose that?” And he’s like “I have spare laptop.” “THIS IS DUE IN THE AM!”
And he looks me dead in the eye and goes, “I said I will help. Go get the laptop.”
So off I go. By the time I make it downstairs, there’s this chemical /reek/ in the kitchen. I go in and there he is, methodically crushing caffeine pills with the bottom of a glass on a ceramic plate, periodically dusting the powder into a cooking pot. Meanwhile, his coffee pot is chugging away on the counter.
As I watch, he takes the coffee pot, empties it into the cooking pot, lets THAT come to a boil and dumps in some of his Turkish coffee, AND the remaining caffeine pill powder, which by now is starting to look uncomfortably like coke.
He lets that steep, and by now the coffee/burning smell is so strong it’s woken up all six of the other housemates, who have all come downstairs and are vacillating between staring at my laptop and at this concoction with undisguised horror.
He pours this sludge into a mug, stirs in about four /tablespoons/ of sugar and slides it my way.
I figure that I’m probably dead either way regardless, so I suck it back, filtering the grounds through my teeth as I go.
I’ve had three sips when it hits, and I feel my heart trip on a beat. I must have gone white cause he nods, all pleased, and points me at his laptop.
Long story short, I got an week’s extension, didn’t sleep for five days, had a conversation with my BLINDS in SPANISH, and got a B+, with a note that it was an “engaging read and well-written, when intelligible”.
To this day, coffee any stronger than a pale off-beige makes my chest hurt.
I honestly thought he was going to drink the coffee and perform was magic on the laptop but.. nope. even better. Honest to god, I really want to know how that conversation with the blinds went.
Bruh. BRUH.
This is so real. LMFAOOO
I’m concerned for all of you. You at least shortened your life by ten years.
I hate to use a Mad Max reference but WITNESS ME. -chugs monster and takes midterms-
My minor is in Chemistry.
I collect chemistry glassware.
I figured out how to triple-distill and vacuum-extract coffee to raise the caffeine concentration 20-30x.
The first time I sampled a mug of the end product, I didn’t sleep for 2 days and was convinced that I could feel air molecules.
Now I drink it in shot glasses.
THE GATES OF VALHALLA ARE OPEN. WITNESS ME.
I AM SCREAMING YOU ARE AWAITED
I CANNOT STOP LAUGHING.
In a culture where Friday night means drinking, where having fun means drinking, where socializing means drinking, where being young means drinking, where do we fit in? In a culture where an invitation to get to know someone sounds like “Can I get you a drink?” and that drink could land us in the hospital, in jail or worse, how do we get to know people? When all the coffee shops close by 11pm, where do sober people go to hang out and socialize on a Friday night?
The current culture of intoxication as the standard for having fun is simply not good enough. It’s not accessible to a lot of people. For addicts and alcoholics who are trying to remain sober it is dangerous. It contributes to the myth that life in sobriety is boring and dull (it is not). What is boring and dull is the assumption that everyone wants to drink on a Friday night, that everyone equates drinking with having a good time, that there is nothing else we can do for fun.
Avoided it, avoided it, avoided it, finally tried it, got into it, got drunk a lot, got bored of getting drunk a lot, stopped it, avoiding it again. Much better off.
(via turbocunt)
when i die i too will drink a cup of poison on my own terms and calmly tell everyone in the room how i killed their loved ones
ask-snowbaz-and-squad
liz-cavs asked:
focus, simon
